Sports Illustrated Column on PGA Merge with LIV Golf

Buzz of the highly anticipated merger between PGA and LIV Golf has been brewing. Opinions vary as the golf industry stands on the precipice of gaining billions. However, the longstanding rival between PGA and LIV Golf can’t go unnoticed with a tumultuous relationship of lawsuits and finger-pointing looming in their past. The turmoil will be put to rest as the two entities come together. Unfortunately, as a victim of 9/11, the marriage of these two establishments leaves me disconcerted.

I’m a victim of 9/11, having lost my father in the World Trade Center when I was 16 years-old. My dad, Jeffrey Goldflam, was the CFO for Cantor Fitzgerald. My memoir, Chasing Butterflies: The True Story of a Daughter of 9/11, follows my journey as a teen into adulthood, learning to navigate through life while coping with the loss of my father.

Just a few months shy of the 20th anniversary of the attacks, Phil Mickelson won the PGA Championship in 2021. Not long after, a family vacation to South Carolina allowed my children to run and play along the majestic greens of the Ocean Course, the site of Mickelson’s victory. A fluffy brown teddy bear wearing a PGA Championship shirt now sits on my son’s bookshelf, an adulating reminder of our trip. At that time, I never could have imagined that PGA would become entangled with the politics of September 11th.

As a victim of 9/11, I look for solace in many places. These are the moments when I’m gratefully distracted from thoughts that consume my mind on a daily basis. Thoughts like, how did my dad die? Did he feel any pain? Lately the thoughts have included my children as I struggle with the fact that they will never know their grandfather. Or, how to explain his death to them, as they often ask: “Mommy, where is your daddy?”

The golf course is a place my family goes to escape that reality. Many Saturday mornings I’m in the kitchen making breakfast for my two young children while my husband squeezes in nine-holes, eighteen if he’s lucky. The course is a place where I can watch my three-year-old son wear his PGA tour shirt and attempt to hit a hole-in-one. It’s a place where I watch my five-year-old daughter walk hand-in-hand with her dad, as they create lifelong memories along the greens. On weekend afternoons we frequently have the TV playing, watching Rickie Fowler and Rory McIlroy working their A-games. Lately, professional golf has taken a turn and is no longer the delightful distraction that I once enjoyed.

As The United States is about to get into bed with LIV Golf, an entity controlled by the Saudi Crown, it leaves me feeling unsettled. Fifteen of the 19 hijackers on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia and Osama Bin Laden was born there. Bin-Laden’s tactical planning of the attacks combined with Saudi Officials funding al-Qaeda is enough to put golf lovers in a tailspin. The terrorist attacks aside, Saudi Arabia is responsible for the murder of Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi.

No matter how you slice it; tax write off’s, billions in the bank, worldwide exposure, I wonder – is it all worth the message being sent to the victims of terrorism and to the world? The PGA Tour used a moral high ground when it was convenient to protect their business. Now, they are willing to shed their supposed morality to protect their business interests in the face of mounting law suits. Saudi Arabia, a country which is known for violating human rights in the most brutal of ways is able to have a seat at the table in the game of golf. The writing on the wall clearly states that money comes first and has the ability to overlook the fundamental issues that broke the backbone of this country as we struggled to rebuild and gain stability after that dark Tuesday morning in September.

The merge of PGA and LIV Golf is just another example of how victims of terrorism are our own unique community and it is our job to come together to create a voice for one another. We must stand strong and united in the message that our loved ones cannot be forgotten and their lives will always be meaningful and important to us. Sunday afternoons will no longer include watching the professionals play and finish the endurance of a 72-hole tournament. My family will always bond over the game of golf. Whether it’s taking the kids for a ride in the golf cart or traveling to a beautiful golf resort, there are still many more good times to be had. It’s important that my children learn to continue their passion without abandoning what’s engraved in their DNA; that we are a 9/11 family.

Marketing, Momming, & Marathons

A true author will tell you that their book being published is the easy part. Well, not necessarily easy when I think back on the decade of writing, two years of editing, and then nail biting anxiety as Chasing Butterflies was released. A looming question floated in the air around me, how will people respond to it? As my memoir approaches it’s eighth month in the world, I continue on the long road of marketing.

Any writer will tell you, having a book is like having a baby. In my case, pushing out my two children was actually easier than writing Chasing Butterflies. So it’s natural that just like I’d do anything for my kids, I’d also do anything for that book. After all, it’s my third baby. Just as I strive for my kids to be happy and exposed to everything so they have every opportunity to succeed, the same goes for a published book. I continue to endure the marathon of marketing. If it was legal, I’d cartwheel naked around the streets with Chasing Butterflies written all over my body. Do you think that would increase sales and visibility? I need to do a lot more Pilates before that’s a serious consideration. 

So for you serious authors out there, or for anyone with a passion - it doesn’t end once you’ve crossed the finish line. If you’re like me, that ribbon at the end of the race continues to get farther away as I think I see it around the bend. My daily life other than being a glamorous version of an Uber driver and horrible chef for my children is thinking of ways to grow Chasing Butterflies. I’ve found that everything now is about Social Media. For a 37 year old, suburban mom, it’s too much to handle. There’s Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Snapchat and who knows what else (being invented as I speak just to overwhelm me even more). 

I do giveaways and collaborations to keep readers interested. That aside, I spend my time attempting to send my book to celebrities, influencers, and passionate readers. I live at the post office, mailing out copies, giving them a kiss before bidding them farewell and hoping the memoir actually reaches the intended person and isn’t thrown in a fan mail junk pile. Speaking of which, it is IMPOSSIBLE to get this book in Jenna Bush Hagers hands. Please pray for me, this must happen. My dad being killed on 9/11 and the fact that her dad was President on 9/11, there’s an undeniable connection between us.

When that’s said and done I’m back at my laptop (which is currently broken so I need a new one). Good thing my birthday is in February, by the way, should I get a Mac or PC? Anyway, staying relevant and continuing the sequel to Chasing Butterflies along with a 9/11 Childrens Book is keeping me very busy. There’s a lot going on in the kitchen. Metaphorically, as I’m never actually cooking in my kitchen. 

So to sum up this weeks blog, the book isn’t finished just because it’s published. It’s an ongoing push to get it seen and heard in the world. I’ll continue doing so to keep the memory of 9/11 alive and to give back to Tuesday’s Children Organization. Follow me on Insta for daily updates. 

PS- I wrote this blog in the parking lot of my sons school before pick up. #momlife #momwritelife 

PPS - Is it cool anymore to even do the hashtags?

9/11 Children’s Book

In all of my interviews on the 20th anniversary of 9/11, I was asked the same question. How will you explain this to your child? I’d reply with complete honesty every time when I’d said, “I’m hoping to avoid it like the plague.” Reporters would give a little laugh, mostly relating to the sentiment because they have their own child and have avoided the 9/11 discussion as well.  My children are just four and two years old. My older child Jade now understands that my dad is no longer here. She knows his name and can recognize him in a picture. She’s recently began asking what happened to him. Those are the moments I run to the window and shout, “Look, a rabbit!” While Jade rushes to the refrigerator to grab carrots, crisis averted. These situations have had me thinking, is it time to tell her? 

Maybe there is a way to explain this to her. After all, kids her age watch Disney. They’ve seen Mufasa die in a stampede in the Lion King. Or Bambi’s mom, I’ll never look at a baby deer the same again. From a very young age, kids have seen death and to some degree, understand it. So why not make 9/11 something that can be explained in a way that’s concrete and gives the facts? Without going into explicit detail.

A few weeks after the 20th anniversary, I got a call from my friend, Corinne. Our fathers worked very closely at Cantor Fitzgerald. They most likely took their last breaths together. Corinne and I are forever linked. It’s as if the event of 9/11 seeped through our pores, bleeding into our bodies and forever changed our DNA, now encoded with Tuesday’s Children genes. That’s what we are, products of that day. It was one of the fastest decisions I’d ever made when Corinne said we should write a children’s book about 9/11 together. She had me at hello. 

There’s steps and logistics to writing a book. You can’t just have an idea and go with it. There has to be research and evidence that the story is needed. So to the drawing board I went, creating an excel sheet of every picture book about 9/11 for children, and I noticed the same inconsistency throughout. Nothing was personal or heartfelt, it was bland, void of feelings and evidence that actual precious lives were lost that day. I wouldn't want to read any of these to my kids to explain what happened to my dad. It was meant to be. Corinne and I would write this story together. Who better to explain 9/11 to children then two girls who lost their parents that day? We both happen to be elementary school teachers too, an added bonus.

We’ve created an incredible book and down the road, it will be available for purchase. Our goal is to reach young children, around pre-k to the early elementary grades. That’s all I can say without giving any of the good stuff away. So on what little kid could I test this book? Like a focus group. I was in my kitchen one day sipping a steamy cup of coffee when Jade whizzed by on her pink scooter(on our newly stained hardwood floors). Yup, she’d be perfect. 

I sat her down and we read the book cover to cover. Her eyes scanned the pages and took in the colors. Her questions were intelligent and appropriate. Tingles ran up and down my legs as I thought, we have a winner! This is working . As the story came to an end Jade sat quietly, her brown eyes stared up at the ceiling. “So grandpa Jeff was in that building?”

I nodded, “yes love”. 

Her fingers stuck to the white pages as she flipped through the story. “And there were hero’s, who helped people.” Her face met mine and her inquisitive eyes locked in on me. 

“That’s correct. That’s  where my daddy was. And we are grateful for all of the wonderful people that tried to help everyone get out of the buildings.”

Her pink lips turned upward in a smile and she lifted her body out of the velvet chair. “I want a snack mom, let’s go get ice-cream.” Just like that, she went on to the next activity. She never brought the book up again. Even when we mention my dad , Jade doesn’t talk about the story I read to her about the Towers and it’s history. It’s possible she quickly forgot. Or chose to forget. Or maybe the book was a complete doozy?  As I think about it, my chest tightens and I feel immense relief. Yup, she’s still too young. 

Now I know to increase the age range of the book and hope my daughter doesn’t need therapy. Note to self, don’t use your child when operating heavy machinery, or when testing out a new book. Better luck next time.

Blogging with Butterflies

When I started writing Chasing Butterflies, I did it because I didn’t want to be defined as “that girl”. The one who lost her dad (you know where). I didn’t want 9/11 to make me different. I didn’t want the world to see me as tainted because I’d been through such tragedy.

 I’ve come to learn that maybe its okay to have this historic event define me, a part of me anyway. I’ll always be a little bit different, having lost a parent in one of the most historic events in the history of the world. With that label, the most important thing I can do is embrace that difference. It’s my obligation to keep the memory of my dad alive while exemplifying that after tragedy, what defines a person the most is their ability to pick themselves up and keep going.

As I work on my second book which is a continuation of Chasing Butterflies, why not give readers a little taste of what’s to come? That’s living in the moment right now - married with children and continuing to follow my passion in writing. Lastly, how all of this intertwines with my past. Just like my memoir, there’s happy, sad, silly, and tragedy, all cooked up together to create a one-of-a-kind recipe which will have you laughing out loud one minute and grabbing a tissue to dry your eyes the next. But isn’t that what life is? That’s all to come in my next book, and why make you wait? Here’s to blogging with butterflies in 2022! See you in the New Year.